I need a man.
It’s been a long time since I’ve had a man, and I’m getting desperate.
Some folks would have you believe I’m a little demanding, a lot egotistical and most times slam damn ornery. Maybe that’s why I can’t find a man. Never mind all that, when it comes to a man, I'm not all that scrupulous. But, there are some attributes I am looking for in my man.
He needs to be agile—able to climb up on things without breaking something or making a mucky mess. And, fer crine out loud, if he falls off after he’s crawled on, I don’t want any whining or complaints, and I’m sure as hell not going to be held responsible for his inability to perform.
He also needs to have strength and endurance. I want him doing his thing until he’s done; fatigue interruptus is a turn off. In the past, too many men have made half-assed promises and then petered out before the deed is done.
I am not interested in a multi-tasking man. Those dudes think they can service three or four of us at the same time. Never fails, they begin to do what I ask of them and the next damn thing I know they’re off doing someone else. It could be days--even weeks--before they get back to me to finish what we started. Usually, by the time the guy gets back here, I’ve forgotten what the hell we were doing!
High maintenance is low on my man priority list. In fact, I like my men cheap and willing to get down and get dirty. It’s for damn sure I’m not paying much.
My need for a man has led me to take drastic measures. I’ve not only put it out word of mouth (to both friends and strangers) and checked community bulletin boards in local stores, I’m now listening to the local radio buying-and-selling program, Party Line, to see if a man is available.
No luck—I’m still without a man.
No one wants to do handyman work anymore, and the jobs around here are piling up! Gutters need to be cleaned, the embankment in front of my house down by the road needs heavy duty mowing and gravel needs to be spread more evenly in the driveway.
A good man is damned hard to find!
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3 comments:
Hey! I gotta man, but I'm not letting him go! He's got enough to do here! :)
Selfish little chit!
Amen, BJ. I finally found a little fellow who seems to aim to please but I have to pick my times to get him over here and also have to budget for him. He went to school with our middle child so you know he's a young 'un. I had a devil of a time locating him.
Right now we are in dire need of an electrician who knows his way around a water heater but are having little luck with that.
My original handyman is out of commission for a while and no one seems to cater to seniors, (Not YOU of course, dear. Goodness knows you're not a senior!!).
I feel your pain.
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