Day-Tripper Phart

Ambien doesn't treat acid reflux disease.

Recently, a long-time member of the Brew Crew learned that lesson when she swallowed two Ambien thinking she had taken two Nexium with her morning medications. Later, she said she wondered at the time why those ARD (acid reflux disease) tabs were pink and not little purple pills. By then, it was too late.

She was on a magic carpet ride!

For a while during her trip she stayed with her routine: she left her home, drove through McDonald's, got a yogurt with granola and drove--or sailed, or hallucinated, or floated on a magic carpet--to work. Once at work, her routine went wildly out of control.

The first indication something was out of whack was when a colleague heard what he thought was a high school student revving his big-muscle engine in faculty parking. Concerned--and a little angry--the coworker went to the lot--and found a staff member putting the pedal to the metal! In a big way! Luckily, she did have the car in park; she was just burnin rubber! Goin nowhere. Not knowing where she was. Not caring. Had she not had the car in park, her little blue SUV would've been parked in the main commons of the school, all beat and battered, waiting on the kids to come have breakfast!

After he realized this was no kid, the co-worker got the day-tripper into the building. Ah, but she got away from him. She was later found by another co-worker stumbling in the hallway and mumbling--poor dude had no idea what she was saying. But, that's okay, neither did she! He, too, came to her aid, and he managed to contain her at her desk until reinforcements--including her boss--came to help him. He might have talked to her about little blue men in silver suits riding in funny little ships with bright lights. Who knows. She will tell you, she sure as hell doesn't know! Mamma had a groove on!

Some 30 minutes after taking her meds, Brew Crew member was not only staggering, she was slurring, rubbery and, well, appeared slam-damn drunk as hell! She had a buzz, baby. Ain't no thang. Live and let live. Peace and love, not war. Is my red parrot still on my head?

Help--albeit shocked help--did finally arrive, and four people finally got her across town and back home. By this time, the buzz was full-blown. Oblivious. Gone, baby, gone. Men are from Mars, women are from Venus. Glazed-eyes, staggering and nearly incoherent -- but not so far gone she had forgotten her yogurt and granola. She, by gawd, wanted her breakfast. There was, however, a problem: she couldn't hold the spoon. She couldn't find her mouth, evident after her first try at eating independently and smearing her breakfast across her face like an infant. One of the rescuers spoon-fed her the yogurt--after being told "haaaaaaaaaaaaay, the seral stuff goes in there, too!"

We love our P Rose. We laughed at this incident. We belly-laughed. Still, truth be told, this could've been a horrible tragedy. I think we all now know--check the damn medication bottle before swallowing pills!